Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Storybooks are Fantasy not Reality

Wow. Blogger changed their layout. Im not sure how long ago they changed it, but now then I realised it, as I haven't been blogging. Oops.
Well, now Im feeling really lethargic and sleepy. Slept at 1+am last night as I was watching one of my favourite classic english movie - Ben Hur. I still can't believe that show has won 11 academy awards. How cool is that? But it's really a great show to watch, as it teaches you alot of valuable lessons.
I just finish another Nicholas Sparks book. It's a continuation of The Notebook, called The Wedding. Gosh, the book is so so nice. The ending is really a suprise for me. Seriously, I think reading all these romance books, especially Nicholas Sparks books, are doing harm to me. Yes, it's really harmful. You people must be curious why I said that right? Well, its simply because, the more I read romance book the more I feel like Im living in their world. Know what I mean? It's as if I am the main character in that book. And the men I imagine would be so romantic, and their love will last forever, always happy ending. But I must keep reminding myself that it's all fantasy, not reality. But somehow, I still find myself living in the in-between worlds or fantasy and reality. Have you all ever felt like that before? Or am I the only one? Maybe I read too much romance books. And because of this, I'm scared of guys. I dare not open myself. Whenever a guy tells me he likes me, I run. Maybe the guy who can teach me how to open up will be the love of my life. LOL.
Okay, seriously, currently that this guy beside me, and let me tell you. He's simply purely disgusting to the max. After lunch, he drink water from his water bottle. But instead of swallowing the water, he swirl it his mouth, making the gargling sound, then swallowing it. Gosh man. I really wondeer, how more disgusting can he be. Seeing him do that to the water really makes me feel....nevermind. Shall not say anymore, or I'll have that nauseate feeling again.
Btw, I'm having trouble with my computer now. I cant seem to be able to excess to any search engines. And its really interfering with my work. I can't go and search anything on the web for my class today. And Winnie had to do everything, as my other group members also hardly contribute. I really feel very redundant. I hate the feeling. As if I'm a slacker, and I'm so so uncomfortable with it. Sorry Winnie, you had to do all. Really sorry. I better go now and see if I can help in any way now.

smurfing 8:25 am

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Hi people! Well, today's the second day of school, and sigh, Im sooo sooo sleepy. Not enough sleep at all. Last night slept real late as I was rushing the stupid 800 word essay for that stupid sprite game. And because of that, it deprive me of my sleep. Shucks man. And till now, I still haven't finish it yet. Last night I was also chatting with Peera. Oh boy, he always saying Im a housewife or a housewife to be. Just because I like to cook, and I do help out in housework, but that does not mean I like doing them! Gosh! He has become so crappy.
Well, and did I mention that I didn't sleep well last night? Because I think I slept in a certain weird position for way too long, and that's why, now one side of my neck and shoulder is aching so badly till I have trouble turning my neck. When I return home, my mom is going to massage or rub it for me. Gosh, and it's gonna be real pain.
I gotta go now..shall blog more later..

smurfing 1:38 pm

Friday, April 30, 2004

Heloo people. Im back to blog again. Well, I really wished I had my tagboard in here, but I dunno how to put it in, as it doesn't seem to have enough space for it. My sister said, a blog without a tagboard is like chocolate ice-cream without chocholate. Hmm..I think it's really true, don't ya tink so?

Well, today's really not my day. Really felt down. My dad really really refused to let me go. I just don't know why after hearing it, my tears just kept flowing. And it was like non-stop. A little at a time, slowly running. I felt rather silly. When my parents refuse to let me go to my class chalet, I didn't even cry. But I don't know why, I just cried when I can't go KL this time. Maybe because tennis really meant alot to me. I never would have thought or imagine that I would fall-in-love with tennis so much. But I really have. This is probably the first time Im ever serious about something. When I was young, I took up an art class, but gave it up half-way as I lost interest. The same goes for the abacus class. And a few years back I dropped piano too. The reason, cause I lost interest and felt meaningless to continue. But tennis is a whole different story, I really love it. I would still wanna continue learning tennis even if my school decides to close it. I am even willing to work to pay for it myself. And going to KL to competite with other players from other country is really a great opportunity that I wouldn't wanna miss. But Im not allowed to go. Reason, v simple: Because my family would worry, and my dad thinks at night, my frends would wanna go pub, and I would be influence and go with them, and mayb end up drinking some spiked drink. -_-''' Really felt like arguing back, my friends are not those who visits the pub, and after playing for the whole day, we would not even have energy to go anywhere more or less a pub!! But I didn't argue back. Just felt tired of him. Same goes for the poly forum thing. ARGH!! I really wonder, if its piano competition, I think they would probably let me go.

Something bad happened that caused Tina and her boyfriend so angry and upset. Really hate those bunch of sickening morons. What are they trying to do? Calling horrible names at them and threating them. I could go to the police and report them for that. On monday, I'll be Tina's bodyguard. Though Im petite and small in size, but let me tell you, my strength isn't small at all. If they ever try anything funny, I'll kick their balls till they shiver and shrink to the size of peanuts. Yes, Im not kidding. Im gonna kick their family jewels so hard till they won't ever celebrate Father's Day. Don't mess with me Im telling you. I can be very nice and nasty. Don't judge my book by it's cover!!!

Phew, felt a tiny wee bit better after getting that out of my chest. Really piss off. Gotta go now, it's late. Nite!

smurfing 11:15 pm

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Hello people out there. Im finally back from my LONG vacation yea? wheehee. During this vacation season, so many so many things happened, until I sometimes felt like I just went on a roller-coaster ride for months.

Oh ya, and before I proceed, I just wanna let some people know. Please DO NOT link me to your blog without my PERMISSION first! Okay?

Well, back to the topic. Just finished my first year in poly. Felt both happy and sad. Happy because Im now a second year poly student and did okay for my first year. Sad because I really will miss my old classmates, Huimin, Manping, Joni, etc...Im not in the same class as them in my second year, so sad, will really miss them, hope we can still eat lunch together. Well, Im satisfied with my new classmates *grinz*. And guess what, Tina jie is in the same class as me, lolx, Winnie too. Shiok. Our class should be fun. Cheers 4 our new class.

Hmm, to prepare myself for the new semester, I did something to myself...hee. Something simple, but I got alot alot of different comments. Some people said I look like ghost, and some say I look like Egyption Princess, LOL. So much difference. Even my coach said I should be the lead actress in The Ring, and instead of coming out of a television, he said I would come out of a coconut tree, and Tina jie, would be e supporting actress who will come out of banana tree. LOL, so crapy. Today had alot of fun playing tennis. Had a mini rally with coach. And Tina, Christine and Me made coach run alot by returning the balls he shot at us at all ends of the court. LOL. So funnie, even Tina hit balls that he can't return, how cool is that huh? wheehee.

Well, coach ask me to go to KL for a friendly match with other people from other countries like Malaysians, Thais etc. He said go play not with the mind of winning, but rather, gaining experience. And I really wanna take this chance to learn something, and play. But my parents won't let me go, especially my dad. Sometimes I really wonder, what can I gain from my parents being so over-protective of me? Yes, perhaps I won't stray and do something stupid like smoking, drinking, gambling etc, but come to think again, Im turning 19 this year, and after all the years of being so 'protected' by them, I do know what is right and what is wrong, and what I should do, and what I shouldn't do. Right? But just why? Why can't they have faith in me, to let me go just a little tiny bit? I'm not asking for total freedom. I don't like total freedom too, but can't they trust in me more? Maybe they trust me, but not the world. But then, as I grow older, I have to step out into this world and they can't be there for me to protect me always. But God will. And...sigh. Nevermind, don't wanna talk about it anymore. I don't wanna get upset over this. No point.

And sorry i ain't got a tagboard in here. No space. Sorry people.

smurfing 11:27 pm

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SCOLD VULGAR WORDS!!!! Especially those who feel that the world owes them something. For goodness sake, GET A LIFE, n GET REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're NOT the center of the universe!!!!!!!!

smurfing 3:03 pm

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Good day everyone. *Stretch & yawn* owww, i'm terribly sleepy. For the past few nights, haven't been sleeping well at all. Keep waking up in the middle of the night and find myself staring at the dark ceiling of my room. But yesterday was the only night where I slept throughout :) But it's still not enough you know. Hmm, for 1 day, I need at least 10 to 12 hours of sleep. lolx. Really like one pig. On the way to sch, met TKY, and I was like a walking zombie, and he was simply speechless when I told him I needed at least 12 hours of sleep. Hee. Okie, lets juz take it that I need 10 hours, so to make up for the past few days of lost sleep, I need about 30 hours of sleep. WOW. Incredible!!! I can really be the next sleeping beauty.

Now I'm having C# programming lesson. Eww. It's really ewww. Really don't like this subject. Don't understand a few things. And totally no mood to learn. Holidays are really near the corner, so I guess that's why. Can I skip lessons please? Don't feel like going to school for the last week. But even if I did come, it'll only either be the facilitator's sake or my perfect attendance sake.

Later I'm gonna have CAD test. Hope I can really score in this last test. But I doubt I can score well. No more confidence in CAD anymore. 2 more weeks of school. Can't wait. Most of my friends are gonna change their look during the holidays, to start Year 2 with a brand new look. They encourage me to change too, but what can I change? No matter how I look, I'll still look the same. Or should I be a cookie monster and dye my hair blue?!?! lolx. If I really did that, I wouldn't be able to step inside my house without the fear of a chopper flying straight towards me.

Well, I have some sort plan what I'm gonna do during the holidays. On tue and thurs, I have to go play tennis. Sat or Sun, I would go swimming to tann. I've really really got uneven tann, and it really makes me look like I have pigmentation disease. How to even out the tann? Anyone wanna join me for swimming? Gals only please. lolx, guys, dun even think about it. Muahaha.

Orite, I've blog long enough for now. Our facilitator is coming any minute. TATA

smurfing 3:05 pm

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Hello there! Took a small vacation away from blogspot, for two simple reasons. 1st: I'm having trouble with my internet connection. 2nd: I need to be alone, to think things through.

Last friday, I was having one of my favourite lessons, CAD. And during the quiz, I totally went *blur*. I didn't know how to do. Even those who weren't good in CAD, knew how to do it. But I was sitting there, staring at the screen, feeling so helpless. Then after submitting my all-gone-horribly-wrong quiz, I remembered that Sharm msn to tell me that Coach sent an email to us, so I decided to check my school email before I leave. At that time, my mood was already declining slowing. Then when I read his email about our schedule for our tennis training during our holidays, my heart sank real low. I saw my name listed in the 'Beginner' group, while my other friends were in the 'Intermediate' group. I used to be around the same standard as them, but now, I was the only one dropped to the 'Beginner' group. Do you know how that feels? TENNIS - the game which I was interested and quite good at. SINK, sinking lower and lower. Even my grades are slipping out of my hands, slowly. It's as if all of a sudden I lost all energy to grasp things. My muscles are contracting. Smaller and smaller. I felt so depressed, I guess my face showed. Even Mr Eden Liew, my CAD teacher asked, why I looked so depressed. But all I could do was give a weak smile back. I kept this to myself. Don't wanna bother my friends anymore about what happen or how I feel. They have their own problems to take care of. So I'll just keep it to myself. And Huimin too have been feeling down lately. She didn't tell me, but I could sense it. I didn't ask her what happened, not because I'm not concerned, but because I don't wanna let her feel that I'm pressing her to say. I respect her decisions. Gurl, cheer up yea? I'll pray for you. I notice lately, everyone's been feeling down. Is it the weather? I really don't know. Then in the bus on the way home, I felt like crying. My eyes were wet, with tears threatening to fall.
Then on Saturday, I slept till 12.30pm. Haven't slept so long in ages. It really felt good. Then went online. Then my friend came and chat with me. Chat for quite long. And somehow, I didn't feel so down anymore. The truth is, I even felt a rush of happiness surging through me. Don't know why, but I always feel happy when we chat. :)
Oh yea, did I tell you that my sister have finally found a job? A real proper job, working in the lab. I'm still quite surprised she got a job based on that pathetic and horrible format resume she submitted. LOLx. Anyway, I'm really happy for her. Xing ku le!!! *Muacks* And to include why I'm happy is because, I won't feel jealous looking at her still sleeping whild I had to wake up early for school anymore!!! And sad, because, no one's gonna do the housework le. ;) Jking. Anyway, jia you!!! LOVE YA LOTS!!! Hope I won't have to say 'stress baby?' everynite now...LOL...only she'll know what I mean. ;)
Okie, I guess I've blog long enough. But it seems like nobody comes to my blog le. No more taggies. How sad is that? SO sooo sad :(

smurfing 6:02 pm

Friday, March 19, 2004

These few days I guess I won't be blogging. Cos there network problem on my laptop. So can't go online too. Even my tag-board has problems. sorry

smurfing 4:01 pm

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Pardon me for not blogging yesterday, my beloved friends. I had trouble with my internet connection last night. Keep getting disconnected, and I was worrying big time about my RJ which I have to submit it by 11.30pm. At the end, I submitted just 2 minutes before 11.30pm. Before that, I was in a *shock* mode (bcos of my quiz) and worrying, I kept pulling and messing up with my hair. I think even my sis haven seen me in such a pathetic state before. Lolx. And chatted with Manping, Huimin and Samantha. Crapped so much, so funny! They'll trying to bully me, but opening their big mouth. Gosh, especially that Samantha, she's got mouth the size of a humongous watermelon size :x LOL oops, a slip of my tongue again. :p

Okie, I shall blog about yesterday. Yesterday when I was really in a happy mood when I came to school. I'm still puzzled why I'm so happy. Perhaps I got up from the correct side of my bed. I'm telling you, I was so happy that I even wore a skirt to school. Now, it's really a rare sight to see me wear a skirt. Not because I don't look good in skirt, and I'm not trying to say I look very good in skirt too. But I seldom wear skirt bcos of some reason and also because wearing skirt is so not convinient. I can't cross my leg when I'm sitting, or walk with my legs open like gonna do a split anytime. Erm, I'm so not like a girl eh? Hee. Then someone spoil my day. I still can't believe he's such a 'small air'. I know, F&F. But I just can't help but feel like hating him again. His actions really makes the cancer cells in my body increase. Not that I have cancer, but everybody have cancer cells in their body. Do you know that? Well, I'm sorry to my teacher. Won't do that again. So you must make make huimin and me your flower girl yea? Lolx ;) shiok. I will definetly look so cute with flowers. Pardon me for being so BHB. Hee.

Well, now having C# programming lesson. Lucky Prof WJ in my group. If not I will feel so lost. Tks so much fren!! Well, I really can't wait for the last day of school. So excited. Lolx. Really waiting with bated breathe until I feel like I'm suffocating now. Hee.

Gosh, just heard from huimin that my fren's mom just pass away. I'm once again back in *shock* mood. Why?!?! I'm sorry, Shaz. He put out a brave front. Always joking with me, but now, I realised that he feels so helpless and sad. And instead of me, consoling him, I even joke with him like everything in the world's perfect. When actually it's not. Really sorry. He's not my best friend, but he's still one of my friends whom I am comfortable, can joke and do work with.

I better go now. BYE people...

smurfing 11:04 am

Monday, March 15, 2004

Sorry people, didn't know there was something wrong with my tag-board. Hee, I very blur wan. Thx 2 huimin for telling me. :) No wonder I was wondering how come nobody tag in my board? But don't you people worry. It's all repaired. Hee, sorry for any inconvience caused. I know alot of people are dying to tag at my board eh ;)? So now, tag on people!!!

I trimmed my fringe le. I did it last night, in-between advertisment while watching tv. LOL. And I forgot to sweep the hair off the table and floor. Wheeheee, Kamila, so you shld know watta do arh, go and sweep and mop the floor, dust and polish the furniture, and hmm...wash the clothes. Oh btw, do you all know who is my kamila? lolx, guess ba. Anyway, my fringe doesn't look as bad as...erm, tina jie :x Lolx. It still looks presentable. Oops. LOL. Anyway, I better not blog too much on tina n my 'future bro-in-law' le, lolx, cos smone is barred from entering my blog. So if you're still here, you should know watta do eh? If no, then I'll give you some instructions. Move your mouse to the top right hand corner of this window and click on it. Muahaha..n go to jie's blog.

I haven't had my daily dose of medicine for very long, so pardon me for my madness. I feel like getting more an more insane. Especially when at home. I'm totally incontrollable. LOL. okokie...i gotta go. TATA

smurfing 9:52 am